upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize