So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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