your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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