My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
they need to just BURY HIM!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
