Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Randomize
