Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
