i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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