chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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