there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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