Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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