At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
