I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
The air taste purple.
Randomize
