If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
