Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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