he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have tasted many bathrooms
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
