I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize