thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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