who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
