Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just fell off a train. Bad.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
