At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize