Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
