i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
