best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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