in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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