dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
