Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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