How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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