I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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