I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
