:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
