Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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