ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
