and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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