I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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