Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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