We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
