Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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