If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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