I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
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