I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
