Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
