Me too!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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