but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize