You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
