No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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