I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
as a side note pls kill me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
