I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
