I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
