the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
