i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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