Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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