I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
