"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
