careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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