I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
