Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
