you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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