This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
