the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
