next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize