College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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