"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
