This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
