We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize