Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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