one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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