Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize