how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
