hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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