I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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