so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
my poor anus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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