You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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