I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
