In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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