"it" just moved
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
