guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
