Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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