I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
