Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize