They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
