My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
