You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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