Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
