so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
