last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just blew my weed a kiss
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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