I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
