Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
