i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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