Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
