if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
