if i died would you start the facebook group?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
