he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
