Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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