Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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