i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The adults are the big ones right?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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