I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
