i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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