I've blown a few things in my day
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
