YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
