What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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