She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
