in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Randomize
