I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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