dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
