he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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