I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I understand Curling. That high.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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