You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i was born a porn star she said
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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