Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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