clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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