I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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