I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
